Some Fun in the Country

As you know (if you read my last post anyway), I live on a farm. Those of you that knew me "before".... Before I got sick, before I got married, before.... I was a city girl.  My favorite place in the world was Chicago. I worked 50+ hours a week as an Operations Manager at a trucking company. 

A little backstory:  I graduated college mid-year, in December of 1993, with a Bachelors in Elementary Education. There were NO teaching jobs at that time. I ended up with part time night jobs, and subbed during the day. My last (ever) part time job was through a temp agency, and I was an evening "helper" to the main biller. Well. The girl I was helping broke her finger about 2 weeks after I started, so I went full time, was hired in permanently, started at the bottom of the ladder, and worked my way up. I loved that job. High stress, lots of action, Type A job all the way. 

So...that gives you a tiny snapshot of the kind of person I was (and still am on the inside, except I can't imagine going to Chicago anymore!). I would work until Lord knows when, then get in my car and drive by myself, to Chicago, at O'dark thirty. (If you don't know what that means, ask your Dad.) I went to visit one of my best, and life-long friends, Dee Dee.  Now she goes by Diona (her given name). We always had a BLAST. We did naughty things like go to clubs and parties. But we ALWAYS laughed, danced, and had FUN.

 Fast forward 26 years. I now have a wonderful husband, the most incredible child I could ask for, and I live on. a. farm. As in E-I-E-I-O.  When I worked for the trucking company, I worked with a young lady who lived on a farm. She was late one day because "the cows got out."  I thought that was the MOST hysterical thing I'd ever heard.  Cows?? Got OUT? Out of where? Oh my gracious. If I had only known!

There will be many cow (and farm) stories, but the latest (and LAST for me) was last summer. We had 5 cows at the time, and it was storming out. We have electric fences, and the cows have a barn to go in, or many trees to shelter under.  But NO.... our cows were outstanding in their field (see what I did there? 😁) At one point there was a HUGE clap of thunder.  Literally shook my house. 

About midnight, I was finally climbing into bed, exhausted. My husband's phone rang, and I hear, "I have 5. Oh. Yup, I'll be right there."  I was like oh crap. What now? He said, "That was the sheriff (who apparently has us on speed dial???) and he's following 5 cows down 38th street."  I was like, NOOOOOOOO!!! So I got dressed, and went downstairs while Doug got in the truck and went searching. 

Now I don't know if you have ever experienced this (unless you live on a hobby farm and have cows), but when we would mow the lawn, the cows would literally stampede to their trough, and wait for the fresh cut grass to be dumped in. So Doug called me this fateful evening, and told me to get on the lawnmower. This had been successful previously in bovine escape attempts, which I'm sure you'll hear all about. 

So I go down the road, on a *riding lawnmower*, in the dark, in the rain, to try to wrangle cows. I was hardly amused.  I drove up and down our road, one side and then the other, looking. for. COWS. You can't even begin to imagine what I was thinking. Finally, Doug calls back and says he sees them on 105th. So I drive back that way, in the dark, in the rain, and by this time it's 1:00 A.M. I go down almost to the end of 105th, and glory be, I see the cows. I was praising Jesus on that riding lawnmower (in the dark, in the rain). The cows actually starting *following* me, single file, down the road. I could NOT believe it. So I'm prayin', I'm talking to the cows, I'm praising the Lord, I'm feeling like Little Bo Beep! And as we get to the corner, I turn toward our house, and the flippin' cows kept going right across the road into the field across from our house. 

I could barely see my husband, by himself, trying to get FIVE cows back across the road.  I called him, almost in tears, and told him if he didn't get them back in our yard, I was going to shoot them, and he could drag their big ol' carcasses back here. He kept trying.  Finally, about 2:00 AM, I snapped. I called a dear friend of ours, and was literally SOBBING into the phone.  I begged him to come and help us. Because he is the kind of friend you REALLY want to have, and will help you anytime (obviously), anywhere, and is so kind, he said he would drive out.

I am telling you, the SECOND he pulled into our driveway, I see all five cows crossing the road back into our yard. 

{crickets}

Doug told me later that he told them I was going to shoot them if they didn't cross the road back to their pasture. And that's when they came back, as our friend drove in. Thankfully, our friend WAS there to help Doug get the cows back into a contained pasture. Apparently, that huge clap of thunder scared them so much that they literally stampeded out of the pasture straight through the electric fence. 

Since then, I have never again chased or led cows on the lawnmower.  I told Doug I was DONE being a cowgirl, and if they ever got out again, and he wasn't home, I would shoot them. And I would have. Without hesitation. Now don't calling PETA on me.

Anyway. If you're still reading, thank you!  I didn't intend for this post to get this long, but I kind of had to explain who I was "before" for you to really understand where I am now. I'm thrilled to report I have not been out in the middle of the night, on a riding lawnmower, cruising the neighborhood looking for cows, since that night.  And I never will again! Unless, of course, it's with my shotgun.